Thank You, NEXT

Heartbreak comes in many different forms for me it came from catching my significant other getting hotel rooms with someone else. Heartbreak came from the boy who took my virginity and left the next day, or the boy who broke up with me a week before prom, or the boy who put his hands on me. Heartbreak also came from the lying, the verbal abuse, the disloyalty, and always seeming to get left or falling out from each other in the worse way. Heartbreak came from falling in love with my best friend and having to leave that toxic relationship three years later. Heartbreak for me wasn't just someone that broke up with me, but from trusting these people with my heart, placing my heart in their hands and feeling them crush it day by day. Heartbreak came from me giving multiple chances only for them to go back and do the same thing again. The worst pain of all was losing myself at the end of it all and that little girl that was filled with love, innocence, peace, happiness, kindness died. She was gone and I couldn't find a way to bring her back. That little girl was taken away from me at 16 years old; not 20 or 30 but, 16. I was in 10th grade when I was introduced to what I thought was love. The idea that I had to struggle and endure all types of pain with my significant other and then we would be good and say "we overcame" together.  At that very moment I didn't realize that love doesn't drag you out the bed and on to the floor leaving you with a scar of a memory you just will never forget. Love doesn't consist of cheating, love doesn't speak to you as if you are dirt on the ground, love doesn't manipulate you, love doesn't lie to you and, love doesn't say one thing and do another. Love doesn't consist of you losing yourself but instead growing and progressing daily. My idea of love literally fucked me up but as the book "You are a Badass" states "It's not your fault you are fucked up. It's your fault if you stay fucked up".  (understand when I say this it's because you can become fucked up from generational curses, but I will get to that in later Blog post)

The idea I had of what love was brought so much heartbreak. Now you may not have this idea of what love looks like and you may have the idea of love in a positive way but just can't seem to choose the right guys or the guys just seem to hurt you at the end of the day. Now this is where accountability comes in, always remember a person will only do what you allow. Understand that you have to hold yourself to a higher standard, if you do not do this you are bound to be walked all over. You have to know your worth, see the beauty and the badass boss bish inside of you. Once you see that, I promise all the pain and heartbreak will go out the window. Your tolerance level will go from a 10 to a 0. You will no longer have the energy to condone any type of BS, especially since you know you are a queen who deserves the best and settling will never be okay with you and you will no longer allow anyone to walk over you again. As women we forget how powerful we are, we dim our own light for others. Always remember men are the head and the women is the neck but the neck can turn the head any way she wants to. You are secretly in control, so be careful with what you allow. Set your standard right in the beginning of the relationship. If that person cannot respect your morals, then that person is not meant for you. The person who respects and gives you the love you deserve is the one for you. Stop trying to "ride or die", "hold it down". That stuff is BS. You better ride for yourself, love yourself, hold yourself down and I bet a true King will come your way without all the pain.

When Ariana Grande came out with the song "Thank You, next" I truly fell in love. She really spoke truth. My favorite part was when she spoke about being single and loving herself. This part of the song was so vital because when you are single this is the time to focus solely on yourself. You have so much time to start that business, work, grow spiritually, build that foundation and bond with God. Being single is very vital to your dating life. During singleness, you are learning about what you like and don't like. This is the time to love yourself. Only invest in yourself at this time with no type of distractions. During your singleness, I believe having multiple people on your line is a no go. This is the time where you should be alone and indulge into your family and friends. When there are multiple people on your line, then you become distracted and a mess to the point where you may not be able to keep up anymore. I know that was me. When you shift your focus on you and investing into you, that's when all the good things in your life will start to come, such as, finally getting that person who doesn't bring you pain but instead feeds your soul and fills you up with love. You CANNOT be filled with love or fill someone else up with love until you love yourself. Understand the people you date are a reflection of who you are. You are only choosing people that are bad for you  because internally you are a mess and can't see clearly. The only way you will see clearly is when you are single. During singleness, remove anything or anyone that doesn't benefit you. If you have to block people or unfollow AND KEEP THEM BLOCKED AND UNFOLLOWED, I suggest you do it. While being single, take risk, try new things, do something you always wanted to do. Read more books, read the bible, join groups, club, or volunteer. This may sound cliché to you but what I am saying really truly works. Shifting your focus on yourself during this time will benefit you. Learn how to say no during this time, learn how to slow down and take mental and physical breaks. The most impotant thing to do is HEAL! Heal all open wounds. If you do not heal, you will bring all those wounds into your next relationship.  Break all soul ties by constantly praying and staying in your word. The key to being single is gaining joy. Happiness comes from material things or things that can be taken away, but Joy is something you have on the inside and can NEVER be taken away, no matter what storm comes your way, you will always be at peace. Another vital component to being single is reevaluating yourself. Check yourself and see what you can do better. Exaimine your faults and change them. You have to learn how to be honest with yourself. Being in denial will lead you down a bad path. The key to everything; heartbreak and being single is God. He is your true bestfriend. So sis, let that nigga go, boss up, focus on you. Put yourself first for once. Heartbreak hurts but learn from it. The only way to heal is to forgive yourself. Let go of the idea of others but just truly seeing and accepting them for who they are. You can only change you, you cannot force anyone else to change. So from now on, just say Thank You, NEXT to any type of pain or hurt. You are more valuable then just mediocracy, you deserve the best of the best and whoever tells you otherwise doesn't deserve you so,

THANK YOU, NEXT!