Growth....

Growth

Hello everyone, I first want to start off by saying Thank you for all of the support. I have to give a special shout out to all of my friends and family, without y'all I wouldn't even be right here writing my first blog post sharing my story in hopes to inspire other young women.

March 24, 2018,  was when this picture was taken, I remember this day clearly, I remember that week clearly, that month and many months before and after this picture. My sophomore year of college at Hampton University. I choose this picture specifically because I was fed up, depressed, crying everyday, driving up and down the road every weekend from Hampton to Maryland, felt so ugly, worthless, stayed in bed all day, barely went to class, failed to get into the nursing program, I was officially drained, this day this week I was contemplating on committing suicide; I was ready to give up.  God, my family, and best friends were the only reason I was able to hold on by a thread. This was the day I realized I suffer with depression and I was having an episode which lasted me two months. My family suffers with depression and I always wanted to break that generational curse of letting depression win. This day, that week, and those two months I let depression win.

The change came when I had no where else to go but up. I decided to leave Hampton University which hurt me the most because Hampton helped me grow in so many ways, plus I met amazing people. Once I got back home I decided to cut off everyone who had no benefit in my life, I decided to stop having sex to fill voids, and I decided to stop drinking heavy liquor. On July 8th, 2018 I decided to give my life to God, plus joined a church. I decided to surround myself with only my very close family and friends, I applied to Bowie State University which I thank this school so much because I will be applying to the nursing program in March of 2019. I decided to date only people that treated me right and God led me to my now amazing boyfriend who treats me like a Queen. I decided to become transparent with myself and take all the ugly and work on it. I decided to finally never relive my past . 

I am telling this story in hopes to encourage anyone depressed, suicidal, feeling worthless, undeserving, and not sure of who they are. I want you to know you are not alone, don't let the enemy win God will lead you and guide you to light once you stop trying to lean on your own understanding but lean on God. It is time to stop telling the mountain how big it is but start telling the mountain how big your God is. So, let's start walking by faith and not sight, let's stop trying to do everything on our own but lean in towards your loved ones; if not them let's start going to therapy. God did not intend for us to be filled with loneliness but to build relationships with others. Let's put the guard down slowly and begin to spill and reveal your bad and ugly. Let's start working on ourselves slowly every single day.  If you have to cry through it do so, I shed so many tears even til this day; understand life will not always be glitter and gold its not about what  go through but how you handle what you go through. Detox your life it will be hard to let go but if it is not benefiting you SIS LET IT GO, your sanity is way more important, YOU ARE IMPORTANT, YOU MATTER, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, YOU ARE HERE FOR A REASON. Nothing in life comes easy, so enjoy this growth process.  Instead of praying the storm goes away ask God what is he trying to teach you and show you during this storm. Always remember you are either coming out of a storm, going into a storm, or a storm is coming your way. This is a season of GROWTH.